you know you are drinking too much coffee when ...

• You answer the door before people knock.
• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• You ski uphill.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.
• You're employee of the month at the coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You chew other people's fingernails.
• Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the Devil's blend."
• You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• Cocaine is a downer.
• All your kids are named Joe.
• You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet 'N' Low."
• You don't sweat, you percolate.
• You buy half-and-half by the barrel.
• You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
• You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
• Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
• The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
• You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• You can thread a sewing machine needle, while it's running.
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You short out motion detectors.
• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• Your nervous twitches register on the Richter scale.
• You think being called a drip is a compliment.
• You don't tan, you roast.
• You can't even remember your second cup.
• You help your dog chase its tail.
• You find this in your cabinet:
  
  

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